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  • Writer's pictureKuldeep Awasthi


Updated: Sep 24, 2020

aspect of our daily life from the moment of complete disorder, where we struggle, live, fight and metamorphize in our better selves defying and decaying the perplexity of life.

This blog is about you and me, it's about us, about our state of complete disorder, when we were unable to find the consciousness about what's happening around us and where we are leading ourselves with our decisions?

Every other day of our life, every other moment when we were unable to understand the shambles of life, in the moment of perplexity when we questioned ourselves about our decisions, about our choices which led us towards the state of complete chaos.

In that state of unawareness, we flicker, we oscillate every other minute between our choices, our decisions and the unknown outcomes which lies in future.

"WE think, We question and We regret."

The sheer existence of our life is in question, our mental state is in a dilemma, it can't tell us what to do, what is right and what is wrong, our mental state is fluctuating between past and future ignoring every aspect of present, our consciousness is puzzled by our baffling decisions.

The route of conscious thinking is obscure and the light is like a mirage of euphoria caught in a draught of doldrums.

Some of us had this experience in past, some of us are going through this and some will experience this in future.

In the tragic sense of life: Miguel de Unamuno said,

Whoever suffers lives, and whoever lives in suffering still loves and hopes, even though over the portal of his abode is written "Abandon all Hope!" And it is better to live in pain than peacefully cease to be at all.


When we go through the chaotic despair in our life, when it's really hard to understand what everyone is saying and wanted from you and even what you want from yourself, things become dull and vacuous. No matter how much positivity anyone tries to bring in your life, nothing matters at that time but at that moment we unknowingly construct ourselves for our better versions. We as a human are evolving to greet pain and despair in our life by struggling with them all alone and refusing to take any kind of help, either in frustration or in melancholy, we decide not to give up but to create a pattern in our life.

A pattern of comeback, a pattern of holding things more patiently, a pattern of escaping every last pain that we remembered. These patterns, create a sense of existence for our self.

"A self called 'I' exist with the essence of these patterns we had developed unconsciously."

Quoting Charles Bukowski;

"I was laying in bed one night and I thought 'I'll just quit - to hell with it.' And another little voice inside me said 'Don't quit - save that tiny little ember of spark.' And never give them that spark because as long as you have that spark, you can start the greatest fire again."


Once we understand the patterns of our life from the moments of despair and oblivion, the process of metamorphosis began, where the eerie misery of our life is no longer going to pull us backwards, all the numbness of this process will help us to push ourselves in the right direction, either consciously or unconsciously.

Every second, every minute and every hour of our daily life will transcend us beyond our own imagination. It's all about hope which was always there since, the start of this chaos. Hope which kept us alive in our hardest times and pushed us forward till this point, where we no longer are the prisoners of our mind, where we no longer are afraid of the consequences because we are about to metamorphize in a better being.

Metamorphosis doesn't means no more despair or chaos but what it really brings is the transformation to our naïve self, which was empty, scared and confused in the every other day of life but the journey from the dark eerie shambles to the light of happiness with some contribution of hope makes us a better version of ourselves. This is what makes the whole journey an essentiality of metamorphosis.

The existence of metamorphosis would have never been existed at all if we hadn't gone through the state of oblivion, it exist because at every other moment of our life, we find ourselves in the state of complete disorder, where we failed to grasp the knowledge of choices and decisions.

We go through every misery, eerie darkness and chaos of our consciousness and with all the hope and spark left in ourselves, we slowly and gradually metamorphize ourselves in a better self once we understand the patterns of our state of mind in the hours of despair.

"After all, the purpose is to live. It takes more courage to live rather than to die."

We have all gone through this, are going through this or in future will face this state of miserable disorder. It doesn't matter what life is going to bring towards us, nothing is more horrible the feeling of non existence; i.e. 'Death' therefore every other horrible things we are facing is a temporary abode and this too shall pass is always worth remembering in these days.

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